A blog about running the Disney Marathon on the coldest day in Orlando history

Yes. I finished the marathon. I'm not going to blog about mile after mile because honestly I don't remember much of the shit that went on, not to mention that no one really gives a shit. It was kind of like a cold, bad dream that you are happy to have had once you wake up.

I am back in Charleston now and away from that frozen tundra known as Florida. Cold was the theme of the 'vacation'. Coldest day in Orlando history, sleet at Disney world, cold temperatures causing orange juice to cost more. These were the local news stories I watched every night as I shivered in my fine Disney Motel Resort room. (Really? Double beds was the ONLY option?)

Okay, I'm not blogging about the marathon, but I am going to blog about the pre-marathon events. What did I learn from getting up at 3 a.m. in 25 degree weather, being shuffled to the start area on on bus, and waiting over an hour and a half for the race to start? I learned what it would be like to be in a post-apocalyptic refugee camp. I learned what it would be like if aliens attacked New York City and we were all forced as survivors to leave the city carrying everything we had on our backs. I can now totally sympathize with Tom Cruise in "War of the Worlds" and could possibly forgive that gnome Dakota Fanning for all of that annoying screaming.

As I stated we arrived at the start area at 4 a.m. We were kicked off of the buses and forced to walk so far in the freezing cold that for a while I wondered if I had accidentally ended up in the Iditarod. We were herded to refugee camp designated for us to wait in until we could be allowed to make our way to the ACTUAL start. I would like to note that before we were kicked off of the bus in the Alaskan glaciers, the bus drive made a cruel stop at the CLOSEST point to the refugee camp so we could all get a look at where we were supposed to be and then drove halfway across the parking lot so we could get out and walk.

In one area was a massage tent intended for people to get massages either pre or post race. Instead, on the inside of this tent was a bunch of metal tables with what appeared to be covered dead bodies, I think they were trying to stand their ground by tricking the aliens into believing they were dead. Please, that's the oldest trick in the book. These people were surely doomed and thus this area was dubbed "The Morgue".

Next to the Morgue was a 10 x 10 tent enclosed on 3 sides. We figured that this must have been the mosh pit because there were about 50 people huddled into this area apparently waiting for the music to start pumping. (Sidenote, the music was pumping... it sounded like a techno club and we wished we had brought our X, glow sticks, and that fist pumper douche from Jersey Shore). These people represented those stereotypical assholes who have "hurricane parties" or celebrate the Alien arrival, only to be completely annihilated for their stupidity. (This type of people also ran into the empty ocean crevice to collect fish and shells before the tidal wave in Tibet)

At 5 a.m they finally opened up the corral to let us go to the Start line. It was at this point that we realized that a mob of people suddenly emerged from their warm spots in the port-o-lets. We were greeted with a mass opening of port-o-let doors, a smell of methane, and 'whoosh' we were shuffled through a tiny gate and towards the start line. It was this walk that really set in the refugee feeling.

The small, narrow path was crowded with blanket people, and we were blinded by huge spotlights along the way. People huddled around the generators to soak up the heat (apparently they had no concerns about carbon monoxide). Abandoned Disney rail cars along the way created a feeling of total world destruction. It was about a mile walk to the actual start, which was kind of cruel considering that: A. The buses had dropped us off as far as possible from the refugee camp, and B. We were about to run 26.2 miles. Seriously?

Once we got to the starting area, we were divided again into corrals which were most likely based on age, gender, fertility, and genetic possibilities. These corrals would later be used to repopulate the world in an attempt to defeat the aliens and regain control of New York City.