Bridge Run

If I could have blogged this yesterday from my phone at 7:00 a.m. it would have been a RAGING profanity filled blog that would have have been had to have an 'R' rating. Alas, it is a new day and the birds are singing so I can reasonably try to write about the events of the Cooper River Bridge Run.

First off, if you are someone who doesn't know me thanks for reading my blog! I will explain a little about the bridge run. It is an annual 10K race (6.2 miles) that attracts a whopping 40,000 people. It is boasted as being the most organized and best run 10k in the WORLD!!! My story is about how NOT TRUE this is.

I tend to be an obsessive planner, especially with races. When a race has 40,000 participants and ends in a completely different city than it started, I tend to be completely anal. You can either park at the start and shuttle back after the race, or you can park at the end and shuttle to the start. I should also mention that the path to the start requires you transporting over the bridge in which you will be running. They shut this bridge down to traffic at 7 a.m. The next best route is an around the way 20 minute trek. Here are the factors about this years race that had to be taken into consideration this year when I was trying to figure out the best get there/park here situation.

- I had 2 pick up 2 people in my hometown who had come in the night before

- We were meeting up with 2 of their family members who were staying downtown (near the finish)

- My husband was going with us but not running

- Traffic was going to be a nightmare

In my careful planning and discussions with everyone I decided that since I had a parking pass for downtown I would park downtown, meet up with the other people and shuttle to the start line. Also, my husband could stay in the hotel room while we ran. He doesn't know downtown very well, otherwise he could have dropped us off in Mt. Pleasant at the start and driven downtown to meet us. I obsessively looked online at the shuttle transportation information, which was minimal. All it said that was the buses took off from point A and that you had to be in line by 6:30 a.m.

We arrived downtown at 6 a.m and walked to the pickup point to find a line had already formed. Busses had been running since 5 a.m. We walked and walked and walked to get to the end of the line. Please excuse my horrible paint skills but I figured I should map the length of this line.

With race time being at 8 a.m. I felt confident that we had plenty of time to make it to the shuttle bus and over to Mt. Pleasant. What actually happened was that we didn't make it to the bus before they shut the bridge down. They advised that we RUN to the shuttle locations to 'set the pace' of those behind us. There were no markings showing where buses would line up. So everyone started making their own makeshift lines.

Race 'officials' then started telling us to go as far forward as we could. Which would make a line at the very front consisting of more people than could fit on a bus. We had created a line second down from the first line and we were in the very front, this made us confident that we were in a spot where a bus would pull up directly in front of us. The next line down was not a 'bus length' away. At 7:20 a bus showed up and pulled up to the first line. It loaded and pulled away. Another lone bus then pulled up and did the same, drove right past us and to the first line. (I should also mention here that by now the bridge route was closed so we would have a 20 minute commute) Finally at 7:30 a convoy of buses showed up. One pulled up to the front of the line and a second rounded the corner and we figured would pull up in front of the next OBVIOUS LINE. No. She stopped at the line down from us. Mass pandemonium ensued with people pushing and shoving to get on this bus in order to make it to the race which was now starting in 25 minutes. With a 20 minutes bus ride and a mile and a half walk to the actual start line.

We managed to push our way onto the bus. I don't know if everyone made it. I was glad I had chosen to use the restroom in a hotel while waiting in line instead of waiting until we got to the start because now it was abundantly clear that we were going to be late. I figured that since this was 'official race transportation' that they would delay the race since the last caravan of buses was on the way. We were let off at the mile and a half distance at 8:05 a.m. 5 minutes after race start. I ran to the start hoping that they had delayed the race. No luck! They had started the race on time and people were cleaning up bottles and clothing from the start where people had previously been corralled. My 6.2 mile run had now become more of a 7 mile run. But even worse I was now behind 40,000 people and I was running amongst the walkers.

If you don't run you may not understand but picture yourself trying to run at your pace when everyone else is walking and you are packed liked sardines on a 4 lane road. I had to zigzag between people to get around them. Most people at this pace are there to enjoy the scenery. They want to stop and take pictures, talk on their cell phones, chat with their friends lackadaisically. I don't disagree with this and I give props to them for being out there. But trying to run in this was a complete disaster. I crossed the start line at 8:17 after fighting the walker crown. 17 minutes after the race started. In essence I was behind all of these people!

I finished the race in 53:57 official chip time. I am convinced that had I been able to start the race in my group of runners I would have made the 49 to 50 minute goal I was trying for. Instead at some points I was running a 10 or 12 minute mile, forced to walk due to the inability to get around groups of walkers, and I had to rudely pass through people who were slower than me.

I cannot believe that the most organized 10K in the WORLD was unable to get all of the runners to the drop off in time for them to start the race on time. In all of my planning I didn't stop to consider that 'be in line by 6:30 a.m.' did not mean that you would make it on time to the race. This is the 33rd year of this run. It's not a new race and I am sure this is not a new situation. The volunteers at the shuttle stop were useless in directing traffic other than telling us to RUN AS FAST AS WE COULD to catch the bus. Really? I know I nearly ran over some people, I can't imagine anyone went unhurt due to these directions. Then to not have corrals for the buses was completely absurd. This also led to mass pandemonium when the buses stopped in different locations every time they came back. THEN to not even delay the race by 30 minutes so that they official race transportation could get racers to the start! They had to know because each bus had walkie talkies talking to SOMEONE who knew the buses were late.

I don't know if I will pay $30 next year to do this run. I am highly disappointed in my experience. Not to mention that no one really knows where this money goes. 40,000 at $30 to $40 per entry? Perhaps it's the helicopters they have flying over the bridge to capture cool aerial shots. I saw at least 2. I hope they got the shuttle buses on clearance because in my opinion THEY SUCKED.

Good job race organizers.

Changed BLOG URL

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Eating

I battle with food every day. I battle to stay within my calories, I battle to eat 'clean'. Mostly I battle with sweets. I wish, I WISH that I could just relax, eat whatever I want, and not feel like I have to go and work it off at the gym. I hate the eaters remorse feeling I get when I eat something I 'shouldn't'. I hate when I overeat.

Jesus, I'd love to sit down and eat a package of cookie dough, some chocolate glazed donuts, some fried mozzarella cheesesticks, and my favorite.. cupcakes. Don't forget pizza. I caved again today in the cafeteria when a small key lime tart stared out at me from the dessert fridge. Amongst all his friends: Carrot cake and little grouping of chocolate covered strawberries he called to me the most. I tried to resist the calling but in a nano-second of weakness I was up and had that little plate in my hand and before I could put it back or cry for help.. the tiny tart was devoured at a cost of probably 250 calories.

Immediately following: Eaters remorse. I could feel the calories packing on the pounds right then and there. I feel like I fail everyday and that's because I do. I wake up and I say it's going to be a new day, I'm going to eat clean and not stray. Sometimes I will go up to 3 days of being good and the destroy it all in one day. I read articles about people who eat clean and I think that this has to be bullshit. How can anyone live without sugar? I used to have the willpower for this but I don't know where it went. Then someone else says have one cheat day, live the 80/20 rule. 80% good eating, 20% cheating eating. WTF does that mean? If I eat 6 meals a day I can have 1.2 bad meals? Because that's 20% of 6 meals, or does it go by hours? Calories? Is that a day or a week? Does it all add up to the same in the end?

Portion size is not my friend because I still want to eat when I am done. I'm not necessarily hungry but I just want to keep eating. I ate a whole pint of strawberries and I feel fucking guilty about that. I just wish I didn't want to eat. I've trained my body to be hungry every 2 hours, you may not understand how annoying this is, but it's extremely annoying.

Is there something missing in my diet that makes me crave this shit, especially sugar? I've always been a sugar junkie. I still love eating it but I hate that I can't say no when I want to so badly. I can't deny that the little pooch on my belly and the little fat on my butt is from this straying. I don't know what else to do. Does everyone battle with food the way I do? I don't think so. I will go back to the gym and I will step on the scale and know that the only way to fix the problem is to radically diet. I'm already a stick in the mud due to all of my training, I feel like being an extreme dieter will make me all the less interesting. Who knew that eating would make you feel socially awkward?

Tomorrow I will start again.

Busy Weekend + New York Trip.

I like to stay busy for some reason. Right now my schedule is free on Monday and Tuesday nights. Wednesday I bowl, Thursdays I currently take an improv class, and Fridays I bowl. This weekend was actually kind of low key until yesterday when I booked it up in a matter of hours. Now I am driving to Columbia tomorrow to do a military style obstacle course run with some friends who had a teammate drop out on them.



The course consists of 100 pull ups, flipping a 250 lb tire for 100 yards, running up hills (yes I said that "R" word and yes I am doing it). There's some other things like a rope bridge, crawling over obstacles, running through mud. I'm looking forward to it but I also have that little fear that I might injure something but you know what? I've been injured for 6 weeks and I'm doing this. I hope to post some pictures. Maybe I can find my disposable Disney camera that has one accidental picture of the bedsheets.

Saturday night I am chillin with some friend to watch the Duke basketball game.

Sunday morning is a scheduled swim my friend Sara who has signed up with me to do this crazy triathlon thing.

Sunday afternoon I start softball. Again, probably not on the dr's orders but it's just practice so I figure I can be all girly and try to not run. Those people are going to be pissed when they see my lack of throwing skills. It's just not in my DNA to be able to throw, or catch, or hit to anyone but the shortstop. I really don't know why I play. My forte used to be making it to first base on a shitty infield grounder. That's questionable now.

Monday, I have to fly to New York City to do some work. I fly back on Tuesday. I've only been to NYC once before and it was also for a work trip so I didn't really get to see anything or do anything, but I loved it. Almost everything in NY has the calories listed on the menu, in plain sight. What a novel idea! This makes calorie counting so easy. I doubt that I will have time on this trip to get any sightseeing done based on the length of the trip but I'm hoping. I'm also going alone which brings up images of Law and Order episodes, but whatever.

Then it's back to Tuesday and the whole thing starts over again. Good Lord I am busy.

Benched again

My 4 miles on Monday turned out to be slightly premature. On Tuesday I got benched for another month. Now I can add the $30.00 Bridge Run fee into my pile of cash I've used to sign up for races that I couldn't do. I have a bunch of t-shirts though (that I never wear or I leave/lose at the gym).

Now I've started thinking about all those shirts/things that I haven't seen lately and I am sure I left at one of the gyms somewhere along the way. The most frightening right now is my heart rate monitor chest strap. Where the hell is that? I haven't been wearing it. I haven't seen it arbitrarily in my gym bag or at home. In the past 2 minutes I've become convinced that it's lost forever. Like my super comfy Gap sweater with the faux fur lined hood. That sweater was super cute and only 2 months old.. I have no idea where it is. WTF?! Later on I will forget that I've lost these things and only remember them again when I am in a position where I cannot go and look for them. It's a vicious cycle.

I did bootcamp this morning which included a LITTLE bit of SLOW running. Not enough to even register on the radar and YES I could feel shin discomfort. The rest of the group did a 1 mile run for time while I went inside and did a mile on the elliptical with the elevation and level turned up. We did some pushups, which seemed easy today. Usually I loathe pushups. When I get off work I will go back and hit the elliptical again and the weights. It's chest and triceps day.

I have another bootcamp tomorrow. I signed up for it before the spending freeze. It was $10.00 and the money goes to battling childhood obesity, which is actually one thing that I am (quietly) very passionate about. However, not having kids I don't feel like I can be spokeswoman against it since I have no experience from which to speak. However, if I were Miss America you can be sure that I would be on the wagon with Michele O in this cause. I'm hoping the bootcamp kicks my ass.

That's all folks. Pretty lame blogging today.. sorry.

Cheating

I cheated today, I couldn't help it. After a breakdown yesterday which included tears followed by a nap on the couch, I woke up this morning bound and determined to run. After all, I see the Dr tomorrow so wouldn't it be ok? I ran just under 4 miles. I'm sure in the eyes of the P.A. (I call her a Dr just because) that 4 miles is probably NOT OK. Oh well, I did it and I was happy. My speed was ok once I figured out that my legs weren't going to break out from underneath me. I ended up with just under a 10 minute mile pace. In my pre-injury days that would have been laughable. Now I consider it good. I tried using a longer stride, something I've always wanted to work on. This is my time to reinvent my running style.

How do the shins feel? They feel fine. There was some slight pain early in the morning but it resolved as the day went on. I did a P90X video when I got home. What's sad is that I worked out for 80 minutes today and I feel that it's not enough. My new minimum has become 2 hours a day.

My marathon medal frame is set to be delivered tomorrow. I'm exited to see it. It's going on the wall right above the T.V. My first half-marathon frame is going to look pretty shitty next to it. I will post pictures once it arrives.

OOHHH. I entered a triathlon. Did I blog that yet? I don't think so. It's April 18th, which is the day after my 33rd birthday. It's going to be quite cold in the ocean, and the biking is probably going to suck, which will make the running suck afterwards. When I'm done, I can cross it off my list. It's a .6 mile swim, 16 mile bike, and a 4 mile run. Wish me luck.

I'm off to find things to Ebay so that I can sign up for a triathlon training clinic. I've made a vow to stop spending so much money.

Myrtle Beach ... Marathon wishes

Friday night we drove to MB (Myrtle Beach) to stay for the weekend. As I stated in my previous blog, the purpose of this was to pick up my race packet and because we had a room there already reserved, the room was free (long story) and I didn't want it to go to waste. The predicted snow showers had turned into a prediction of 3 to 5 inches of snow, for the first time in 10 years.

Amazingly, the news wasn't wrong. It started snowing at about 6:00 p.m., while we were driving. By the time we got to the convention center to pick up the packet, the snow was accumulating. I was getting regular emails on my phone from the marathon committee with updates on the run. Ultimately they moved the race start back 30 minutes (like that was going to make a difference). Then at 10:30 p.m. they canceled the race altogether.

I declare this Marathon canceled bitches!!!

Mind you, I am not running this race due to the stress reactions in my shins, so I happened to be up at 10:30. Had I been running the race, I would not have been up to hear this news. Many people showed up at the start only to be told that it had been canceled. Some die-hards (who I throughly admire) ran it on their own.

I drove past some of these runners on my way back from stuffing my face at a buffet (It was my husbands idea to eat at a buffet, I was an innocent victim). I became intrigued by seeing the solo runners and began to wonder what was happening when they finished. I did a slow drive-by past the would-be finish line and noticed that two of the race officials were at the finish line handing out medals to the finishers. I thought this was pretty awesome but it also made me sad that I wasn't running the race and getting a medal.

After we got back to the room I proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes wondering if I could get a medal. Why couldn't I get a medal (uhhh.. .maybe because you didn't RUN??? ABSURD). What are they going to do with 11,000 medals?? Maybe I should just go back to the finish and see what's going on? No.. they will know I'm fishing for a medal. Bite nails... bite nails.. pace around... picture shiny medal. I paid for this medal didn't I? (N0, you paid for the race, you EARN the medal). But NO ONE ran (mostly)?? Bite nails... Bite nails... pace around. It would be dumb to go back by! Picture shiny medal. What would it hurt? They aren't going to give you a medal? But they MIGHT! Picture shiny medal. OK, I'm going but only to see what is going on. I want to congratulate the finishers. Picture shiny medal..

I came up with a list of stupid questions I already knew the answer to.

1. Is the post race party still happening? (YES)

2. Is the race going to be rescheduled? (NO)

3. How many people ran it anyway? (Ok, this one I didn't know the answer to)

4. What does the medal look like? (Maybe they would get distracted and I could put it in my purse)

Innocently, I drove back to the finish and walked up to the van where they were handing out shiny medals. My questions were primed and ready and oh looky there.. I happened to have my race number in my purse! Maybe it would fall out when I reach for my keys and the race official would say "oh did you sign up??? It's so sad you couldn't run! Here's a medal for your trouble".

I walked up with that casual 'Hey Guys!!" attitude (Hands in pockets, shoulders kind of shrugged, awkward wave....I didn't really do this but it makes the story better). I'm telling myself "be calm, don't act to suspicious." (My goal was to NOT ask for a medal because begging is lame). Race official number 1 was talking to some people in another car about the post race party, so I went with race official number 2..... Here it goes.. be calm... casual small talk...

RO #2 looks at me and says "What did you sign up for??" 'Full Marathon" I reply. He reaches into his van and pulls out a shiny flip flop medal and says "Here you go!".

Classic. All my preparation and ultimately the receiving of the medal was completely non-eventful. I still felt the need to make idle chit chat and talk to a runner who had finished the marathon on his own. (His first marathon). Then I split with my shiny piece of non-deserved hardware...

I'm shaped like a stinky post-Marathon foot!

Needless to say I didn't put the medal around my neck. Somehow I feel that would be wrong. It should only go around the neck if it's deserved. Maybe when I get back to running I will do a solo marathon and then have this waiting for me at the end.

I plan to start running again tomorrow.....

Improv

Improv class starts tomorrow... i guess I need it because I really don't have anything to add after saying that. I'm thinking of taking the new bike with me and biking over to the class, but that familiar 'what if' logic gets into my head and all of a sudden it's what if... it rains. What if... I get hit by a car (it will be dark). What if.. someone steals the bike (despite the lock I got for it). It's all downhill from there.

This weekend is valentines day.. whoopeee. What this weekend really has been to me for the past 2 years has been half marathon in Myrtle Beach weekend. Now it will just be, going to Myrtle Beach because I have a room there and I'm not running the full marathon weekend. There's a chance of snow showers Friday night. What's up with that? Running this one would definitely not be warmer than running Disney.

My diet has been going well. People are often surprised to find out that I 'diet'. I guess it's more of a way of life. I don't eat whatever I want and then work it off later, that is called exercise bulimia. I have been known to practice it from time to time. I find it much easier to avoid the 'eaters remorse'.. see previous post, not sabotage my workouts, and eat things that are good for me. I fail about 20% of the time but 80% is still a passing grade.


Look at all of that improv I just typed out! Not that any of it is funny. My fear is that I find things funny that other people don't. I also had some stuff I was thinking about talking about during improv but then the old what if said. What if you hurt someones feelings? Isn't that what it's all about. Comedy= tragedy + time. I hope I don't get pulled off stage with a giant hook. Actually that would be kind of funny.

Eaters Remorse

I just trashed about two paragraphs of blogging. I have nothing to say but I feel that I owe it to my reader to post something regularly. The truth is that I don't think I have a lot going on right now other than my obsessive working out, my inability to run due to stress reactions (different but close to stress fractures), bowling, and the comedy improv class that I start next week. So... yeah... I guess that's probably a lot of stuff that is going on.

I also joined the biggest loser competition at work. I did it kind of out of a joke and kind of because I would like to lose 3 lbs. If were even halfway decent at 3rd grade math I could probably figure out what percentage of my body weight that would be. Alas, I suck at math and I'm too lazy to figure it out. The only thing I really know is that a percent to a decimal is 2 to the left.

Thanks to the magic of the internet I found a calculator tool that does simple math for me.

http://www.fitwatch.com/qkcalc/calculate-weight-loss-percentage.html


It's really probably impossible for me to lose 3 lbs. I hope I don't come off as stuck up, I'm just being real. I've been trying to lose it for about 7 months now.

3.52% is what I would like to lose overall which would be like 5 lbs.

Anyhooooo... my purpose here was to talk about the phenomenon known as Eaters Remorse. But now this blog is kind of long and discussing eaters remorse would only make it longer. The bottom line is that I don't like eaters remorse which I have defined as the feeling of remorse associated with devouring something that completely ruins your diet and the 2 1/2 hour workout you did today. I'm going to try to avoid this feeling while the biggest loser is going on. Hopefully I can lose my 5 lbs.

POST BLOG BLOG:

So after I posted this blog I noticed the clever google ads which appeared on my page:
Those google people think they know everything. I found this to be quite funny.

I have no title

It's late and I should be going to bed. By 'late' I mean it's 9:45, technically I should have been in bed by now. My alarm is set for 4:15 so I can go to the gym before getting to work at 7 a.m. I'm tired and I just got back home after leaving this morning at 5:15 a.m.

I don't have any profound thoughts today. It's been a tough week at work and on top of that I saw the orthopedist and she told me that I shouldn't run the myrtle beach marathon, or the 15k this weekend, or the half marathon next weekend. My plan is to go to all of the packet pickups and get my frikkin shirts that I paid for. Normally I am determined to not follow the kind of advice that involves the words 'no running' or 'don't run'. But physically,right now, I am unable to run. For the first time in 3 years I have an injury that I can't run through. It really puts a hurting on my belief that I am invincible.

I've had musical montages go through my head of me running. Running outside, running on the treadmill, running in races, running the marathon. I have mixed feelings about the marathon. I still want to do myrtle beach but on the other hand I have to wonder, was it worth it? I ran 26.2 miles and I haven't run since. If I could go back I'd have to think really hard about whether the accomplishment was worth the aftermath. I miss the runners high, I miss how relaxed I feel after a run. It could be 6 to 8 weeks before I have to start all over again. How difficult is that going to be?

In the end though, I think about all the stories that I've read of people who have been hit by cars, or had their legs blown off in Afghanistan only to come back and run marathons, or do Ironmans. I guess in the end my measly shin splints/stress fractures are mild in comparison. I'm trying to look at the bright side but it's going to be a long road to recovery. Wish me luck eh???

How biting my nails keeps me healthy

If you don't know me personally you should know that I am an AVID nail biter. I've tried quitting but honestly I really don't care. My nails are horrible and kind mutantesque (i just made up that word and that is the correct spelling of it). I bite my nails at work, while I drive, while I bowl... it really doesn't matter. I don't bite my nails while I poo.

Additionally, if you don't know me you should also know that I don't really get sick very often. I don't take precautions to avoid germs, I don't care if someone is sick around me, I don't use antibacterial gels, I DO wash my hands before returning to work. I have come to believe that the relationship between biting my nails and my super-human immune system has everything to do with my nail biting.

My belief is that through biting my nails I end up ingesting little bits of viruses and bacteria, not enough to make me sick but enough for my body to create an immunity to whatever is it.

So if you're sick and tired of being sick my recommendation is to lick some germ covered items on a regular basis. I'm going to bite my nails now I hope to see you doing the same.

Vacation

Who in life can afford to go on vacation? It's ridiculous. I just got back from the money sucking pit called Disney World and now I'm trying to look and see where we can go next. I was hoping it could be later this year, maybe Boston or Chicago but geez, it took me a year to save up for Disney. Hotel, plane, food, souvenirs (or SILVERnirs as my dad calls them).

Now all of you out there (or perhaps just my one follower HI KATRINA)may be thinking "just put in on a credit card" but Homey don't play that. I believe that if you don't have the cash for something then it's God's way of saying "Yo, you can't afford that shit". (Sometimes God is a Homey too..although no one says Yo or Homey anymore. God is old school) Then what about when you have frikkin kids? Who can afford to have one of those little money grubbers? It's cool up until they are 3 and then you have to start paying for their shit and then they grow out of that stage where you can take them to restaurants for "kids eat free" night.

What happens with Progeria kids at kids eat free night? Technically they are kids, but health-wise they are adults. (Do they qualify for that Senior Citizen 1% discount you get a Publix or Harris Teeter?) I believe that meals at restaurants should be divided into categories of people, not age. I have the stomach of a mouse but when I try to order off the kids meal I get charged more. Why? Restaurants should classify you as 'small', 'average', or 'large' and then they should have menus to fit the category in which you fall. You should be able to deviate from your chosen category to allow for people who are dieting or binging. I don't need an all you can eat buffet, I need the one plate buffet. I hate buffets but that's beside the point, sometimes my husband wants to go and I have to with. I pay 15.00 for one plate or I try to gorge myself to get my moneys worth and then I immediately feel like purging.

I am happy to see that Applebess and Logans now offer meals that are less than 550 calories. I had one of these meals at Logans and it was extremely tiny but I was satisfied and I felt good afterwards. I think Applebees is the shit stain of chain restaurants but this new menu might get me back in the door.

That's all I have for now...

Testing out the Wii Fit

I originally created this blog so that I could chronicle my experience using the Wii Fit and the Wii Active Trainer from an 'already fit' perspective. This lasted all of a day. The bottom line is: I'm too lazy to play the Wii. I know this seems to be contradictory since I wake up at 4:15 each morning to go to the gym for 1.5 to 2 hours and then later on I will go back to get my run on. Those things inspire me. The Wii Active Trainer and her annoying pauses between reps and 'encouraging' attitude don't.

I also found an article in which someone had done all of my work for me already. Basically the article said that doing the Wii fit burns LESS calories than Wii sports because of all the breaks they require you to take in fit/active trainer. You kind of lose interest in something when you find that someone else has done the work. Why re-invent the wheel??

I don't support the Wii as a method of working out unless you fall into one or both of the following categories:

1. You live in an assisted living facility/nursing home
2. You have recently had a hip replacement

There is argument that some movement is better than no movement. But you can get this with Wii sports. Have you ever tried the boxing? Holy crap, that shit sucks! Please don't try to use wii bowling as a calorie burning exercise. Bowling in reality is a lazy sport in which you can drink and eat while you do it. I know this because I bowl league twice a week and have done so for about 6 years. I never find myself to feel good about bowling when I leave after having scarfed down half a pizza and 1 Mich Ultra. Bowling on the Wii is not much different from real bowling, calorie-wise, instead go with tennis or boxing.

A blog about running the Disney Marathon on the coldest day in Orlando history

Yes. I finished the marathon. I'm not going to blog about mile after mile because honestly I don't remember much of the shit that went on, not to mention that no one really gives a shit. It was kind of like a cold, bad dream that you are happy to have had once you wake up.

I am back in Charleston now and away from that frozen tundra known as Florida. Cold was the theme of the 'vacation'. Coldest day in Orlando history, sleet at Disney world, cold temperatures causing orange juice to cost more. These were the local news stories I watched every night as I shivered in my fine Disney Motel Resort room. (Really? Double beds was the ONLY option?)

Okay, I'm not blogging about the marathon, but I am going to blog about the pre-marathon events. What did I learn from getting up at 3 a.m. in 25 degree weather, being shuffled to the start area on on bus, and waiting over an hour and a half for the race to start? I learned what it would be like to be in a post-apocalyptic refugee camp. I learned what it would be like if aliens attacked New York City and we were all forced as survivors to leave the city carrying everything we had on our backs. I can now totally sympathize with Tom Cruise in "War of the Worlds" and could possibly forgive that gnome Dakota Fanning for all of that annoying screaming.

As I stated we arrived at the start area at 4 a.m. We were kicked off of the buses and forced to walk so far in the freezing cold that for a while I wondered if I had accidentally ended up in the Iditarod. We were herded to refugee camp designated for us to wait in until we could be allowed to make our way to the ACTUAL start. I would like to note that before we were kicked off of the bus in the Alaskan glaciers, the bus drive made a cruel stop at the CLOSEST point to the refugee camp so we could all get a look at where we were supposed to be and then drove halfway across the parking lot so we could get out and walk.

In one area was a massage tent intended for people to get massages either pre or post race. Instead, on the inside of this tent was a bunch of metal tables with what appeared to be covered dead bodies, I think they were trying to stand their ground by tricking the aliens into believing they were dead. Please, that's the oldest trick in the book. These people were surely doomed and thus this area was dubbed "The Morgue".

Next to the Morgue was a 10 x 10 tent enclosed on 3 sides. We figured that this must have been the mosh pit because there were about 50 people huddled into this area apparently waiting for the music to start pumping. (Sidenote, the music was pumping... it sounded like a techno club and we wished we had brought our X, glow sticks, and that fist pumper douche from Jersey Shore). These people represented those stereotypical assholes who have "hurricane parties" or celebrate the Alien arrival, only to be completely annihilated for their stupidity. (This type of people also ran into the empty ocean crevice to collect fish and shells before the tidal wave in Tibet)

At 5 a.m they finally opened up the corral to let us go to the Start line. It was at this point that we realized that a mob of people suddenly emerged from their warm spots in the port-o-lets. We were greeted with a mass opening of port-o-let doors, a smell of methane, and 'whoosh' we were shuffled through a tiny gate and towards the start line. It was this walk that really set in the refugee feeling.

The small, narrow path was crowded with blanket people, and we were blinded by huge spotlights along the way. People huddled around the generators to soak up the heat (apparently they had no concerns about carbon monoxide). Abandoned Disney rail cars along the way created a feeling of total world destruction. It was about a mile walk to the actual start, which was kind of cruel considering that: A. The buses had dropped us off as far as possible from the refugee camp, and B. We were about to run 26.2 miles. Seriously?

Once we got to the starting area, we were divided again into corrals which were most likely based on age, gender, fertility, and genetic possibilities. These corrals would later be used to repopulate the world in an attempt to defeat the aliens and regain control of New York City.